Man of the House

I was only 15 back then. My family had been going through very tough times. These were moments I could remember very clearly as it were only yesterday. My father had hardly been home for quite some time. My mother had to raise my 2 elder sisters, my younger brother who was only 5 then and myself. Who could have imagined that those words would forever be etched in my memories.

My father walked in through the door on that fateful day. We had lunch together and it was one of the moments I truly treasured. Since my father was rarely home, these occasions were one that I held dear to my heart. After lunch, he looked at me and said, "Stephen, when I am not in the house you are the man of this house."

I never thought how this would have affected my life until more recent years. I am now 27 and those words continue to resound in my thoughts. How could a 15 year old ever be man? How was I able to know what manhood was? Daddy... could you show me, please?

These were some of my thoughts and cries. I thank the Lord for those moments of deep searching. I have a younger brother whom I truly adore and love. I happened to be talking to a friend of mine a couple of days ago. In the conversation, I realised that I had been very hard on my brother. I never gave it much thought until now. Why was I so hard on him? Why did I keep pushing him? Why? Then it dawned upon me that it was the very word my father had said to me. "... you are the man of this house." I wanted to be the man my father asked me to become when I was 15.

I really wanted to be all I could be to my mother, sisters and brother but I am not. I was unable to fill in the shoes of my father. I tried. I began to feel the responsibility to become a male representation at home. "O Jesus", I cried, "I don't know how to be a man. Who will show me?"

A book I read quite some years ago mentioned the author observing a middle aged man. The man had a very strong manly feature. Intensed and focused. Years of experiences and perseverence have left its marks on his expressions. Then the author said, "this was a mark of manhood". I reflected on these words. What is a man? It may take me a lifetime, but all I know is... I would one day be the man God wants me to be. I thank Jesus for my father. If he hadn't said those words I would not have begun this journey in pursuit of manhood.

My prayer:
"God, be my Father and teach me what I need to be a man after your heart."